That one time I manifested cancer

Art by: @artbyancient on Instagram

I was no older than 10. She had on a yellow dress, and her hair was beautifully laid down under a white flowered headband. She looked like she was sleeping, but she wasn’t. She laid there in her casket, freshly just transitioned to the Ancestor realm, “lifeless”. Although I don’t remember her name, she introduced me to cancer and death. My mother was a school teacher, and she has always been one to pay her respects. This little girl wasn’t one of her students, she was the niece of a friend. The funeral home where her viewing was being held was about a 1/2 mile away from my school, where my mother taught.

A few years later, when I was 13, my paternal grandmother transitioned from lung cancer. Her death left me with so many questions. She was my first experience with the death of a loved one. My grandfather was diagnosed with intestinal cancer around the time I was 19. At this point, I began to have thought’s of me having cancer. It only made sense. This is when the creation process began.

During my teenaged years, I didn’t think I would live past 21. By the time I turned 21, I didn’t think I would reach 30. In my mid-20s, I began having trouble with my menses. In the back of my mind, the thoughts of cancer lingered. By 30, my paternal aunt was diagnosed with brain cancer, and given 6 months to live. She died a year later. I just knew my turn with this ugly disease was coming.

When I was 34 years old my menses began to slow down, and then finally it disappeared. I knew this was cancers grand entrance into my own life. I began seeing specialist. I was told, due to my family history, I was going through early menopause. I knew they were wrong.

I began taking care of one of my elders around the same time. She was transitioning from stage 4 cancer. Her journey added to the worry/creation of my own dis-ease. I now realize, the time I spent with her was to teach me how to heal myself. Although, I believe it may have also weakened my life force.

I continued to see DRs, but my health continued to decline. I juiced daily, took plenty of herbs, and put myself on a vegan diet, as that seemed to be the best thing to do. My weight was dropping drastically, and most of the time it was hard to keep food down or maintain an appetite.

After about 2 1/2 (2017) years of this, my health became debilitating. Finally a mass was discovered in my womb. In the past, I envisoned seeing my family standing around while I laid in a hospital bed. Now, it was happening. I’d also envisioned them looking down on me in my casket. I knew I wasn’t ready for that reality.

Fast forward to 2018, I ended up having an emergency surgery to remove the mass. Two days after I was released from the hospital my surgeon called to let me know, “it was cancer”. I wasn’t surprised. She also said, “it has all been removed”. I wasn’t surprised there either, as I knew, I had decided to create something different.

Up into that day, I’d been pulling cancer closer and closer to me. Although fearful of it, in my mind, “I HAD to experience it”. And so I did. Almost all of my thoughts of cancer came true. However, when I decided, it was no longer a part of my journey, it was no longer with me.

The experience will always be there. But now, I am mindful of my creations.

Now I create HEALTH!